June 12th

At 2:30 last night Beth & I were woken by a tremendous banging (insert ‘Carry On’ style snigger here) coming, somewhat scarily, from somewhere in the building. It was clearly inside the communal hall but what it was I had no idea. It was reverberating throughout the place. Being the hard-ball playing, dog whipping, take me as you find me kind of guy I am I popped on my bravery hat and jeans and went out to figure out what it was. It turned out to be 12 hardened crack addicts who’d been snowballing heroin all night. It turned ugly so I kicked off and they’re all now in hospital. Actually that didn’t happen.
The noise turned out to be coming from our downstairs neighbour. I found him more than several sheets to the wind, curled up like a little lamb outside his front door in just his pants. He was pretty coherent despite being clearly rather drunk. Apparently he’d locked himself out (no shit Sherlock) and was trying to raise the attention of his lady-friend inside. The fact that his lady-pal was obviously either a) not in b) as inebriated as he or c) dead - wasn’t deterring him from making his presence known. I pointed this out and asked if his lady-mate was in to which he replied “Dunno”. I then asked where she would be if she weren’t in, to which he replied “Dunno”. I also asked how he’d ended up outside his front door clad in nowt but his under-crackers. “Dunno”.
I popped upstairs and after recounting the tale to Beth through a fit of the giggles I grabbed him a blanket and a glass of water so he could settle himself down for the night. (Call me uncharitable but I wasn’t having his drunken form lolling all over my sofa now was I.) Then I gave him my phone so he could call his lady-colleague but her phone rang in his flat. Hmmm… interesting.
Eventually he hit on the plan of my lending him some pyjama trousers and a tee-shirt so he could go down the road to his brother’s. I obliged him and I’ll never forget the site of him toddling off down the deserted street barefoot and wearing my check pj’s.
I got back to sleep eventually chuckling away to myself.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful and I spent the majority of the day learning how to make a php driven e-mail form in Flash to go on my portfolio site.
Rock and indeed, roll.

Tea drunk: 6
Neighbours laughed at 2: (I haven’t told Neil about the toilet roll on his shoe yet)
Pyjama trousers lost: 1